New Year’s Eve is always a magical time, full of hope that for some reason this time the earth’s revolution around the sun will bring joy that the previous revolution couldn’t. And considering they’re no doubt dropping a Minecraft monster head instead of a ball somewhere on a Yogscast stream tonight, it’s only fitting that I do my wishlist of gaming trends for the coming year, and maybe even a brief retrospective on some of the horseshit we were all forced to swallow and smile at in 2013.
Hope #1 for 2014: No Nonsensical Game Delays
2013 was a good year for Ubisoft’s executives in the ruler-up-the-ass inch count department, as they delayed not one, but three gigantic triple A titles less than four weeks from launch for the sake of corporate greed. Rayman Legends at least got the benefit of being cross platform, but Driveclub and Watch_Dogs haven’t received any real reason (the polish excuse is bs and you know it) for why we’re going to see them next year instead of last month. I mean, what if NASA said “Houston, we’ve got- oh wait I’ve got a Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwich coming through the door right now let’s take five”?
Hope #2 for 2014: SEGA Cuts the Partnership Nonsense Out
There’s a reason Sonic Lost World sold less than 30,000 copies in its debut week. It’s because of its Wii U exclusivity, and the subsequent lack of Wii U owners. ‘Nuff said.
Hope #3 for 2014: The Reaper Comes to Take EA Back To Hell (Along With Their Microtransactions)
Not only did EA secure their spot as worst company in America for the third year in a row with their debut of the ever lovely in-game microtransactions garbage in every major title they released, but they also released a shamefully half-assed Battlefield 4 360 and PS3 version where the water effects are literally white rulers flying at the screen when you’re in a jetski. Fucking Pong had better animation. Fucking Pong.
Well, there you have it! My top 3 wishes for 2014’s gaming year. Fingers crossed that these happen, and even when they probably don’t there’s always the next cosmic cycle to get excited over for no reason. Happy New Year’s everyone.