Super Smash Bros. for Wii U — Worst Online Play in Gaming History?

I’ve had some shitty online multiplayer experiences in my life, but Super Smash Bros. for Wii U takes the cake.95507_083

People complain about lag all the time, and yet I rarely encounter it. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare? Online generally played smooth as butter. Battlefield 4? Flawless connections. Street Fighter 4? Barely any latency issues. Super Smash Bros. 4? I can’t play three fucking matches in a row without the game turning into a literal slideshow.

The Nintendo network is complete trash. Seriously, peer-to-peer connectivity as bad as the kind Nintendo is allowing for should be illegal. I hope anyone who worked in R&D on the online portion of this game stubs their toe tonight. Seriously, screw Nintendo. And I’m even angrier that I like the game enough to keep playing it, because that means I have to continually suffer more unplayable online matches.

Hell, I’ll make this my review of Super Smash Bros. Wii U, because it pretty much sums up my feelings on the game. It’s a great package with loads of content, 8-player smash is a particularly impressive addition, and the new characters are solid (Megaman and Shulk are particularly kick-ass, although they practically ruined Sonic with obscure buffs and critical nerfs), but the biggest component of the game, the online play, sucks to an irredeemable degree. In a fighting game that supports online play, lag like this is past the point of “well, I still think that game is a 9/10 overall”. No, because this entire portion of the game is pretty much broken, I would say that 7.5/10 is the highest you could reasonably give Super Smash Bros. 4, and that’s ignoring the fact that most of it is just a re-skin of Brawl.

Video Games

Defiance (Xbox 360): Shambles Galore

There’s been a small spark of controversy over my review of Defiance, with claims that the game is wonderous and glorious (despite its horrible online servers, lack of fun core gameplay and having no real entertainment value). Well, I’m not the only one with these opinions:

Darksydephil agrees. DSP, a prominent Youtuber who gives every game released a fair shake, shares my opinions to a T. His comments are LITERALLY identical to mine, even to the point where we both compared Defiance to a better game, Borderlands. So if you’re not willing to take my word for it, take it from a more well known gamer. Click here to see DSP’s Defiance thoughts.

Another fellow online reviewer, Patrick O’Rourke, has been experiencing the already mentioned plethora of issues that Defiance sports. Click here to see his review in progress of the Xbox 360 version.

And if you’re STILL doubting the terror that is Defiance (Xbox 360 version, of course), trek on over to Metacritic where the only user submitted reviews with actual facts and experiences are the ones that deem the game less than a 5 out of 10.

The Scrap Yard

Review of Defiance for Xbox 360

Don’t buy this game. Don’t play this game. Don’t support this game.images

Defiance’s advertising budget wasn’t very big, so chances are you probably haven’t heard of this game. Try and keep it that way. Defiance is a test in two things: Your toleration of shitty game development and Borderlands rip-offs. This is the first and hopefully last MMO that should ever disgrace the Xbox 360.

The game’s plot is a tie-in with the new Syfy series “Defiance”, so if you watch the show and play the game you’ll be completely immersed in the continuity. The idea’s pretty cool, and the fact that the developers are claiming to offer free DLC related to the show as the series progresses is cool, meaning that months from now the game will still be concurrent with what’s going on in the show. This is about the only thing Defiance does right as a video game.

As stated earlier, it’s an MMO, the first on the 360 (to my knowledge). This means that thousands of players can be running around shooting stuff alongside you in realtime, granting you the ability to interact and trade amongst the other people playing mid-mission. All of this would be hunky dory if the goddamn servers weren’t either down or laggy as hell. Actually interacting with people is near impossible, as by the time you’ve selected an option they’ve magically disappeared. This leaves you to play the game pretty much to your own devices, even though Defiance DOES require an online connection 100% of the time. So you’re roaming these huge, desolate wastelands all by your lonesome with the occasional laggy player popping in and out of view, facing hordes of infinitely spawning goons that were meant to be challenged by dozens of players. It’s a really crappy set up for a game that completely depends on online connectivity, and leaves little to entice someone into buying Defiance.

The actual gameplay and environments of Defiance are literally copy-and-paste Borderlands rip-offs in third person mode. I’m not going any further than that. If you don’t know what Borderlands is, just know that it’s a game a heck of a lot better at doing online cooperative play than Defiance. The controls are identical, the surroundings and textures are identical, and even the character models have more than a hint of familiarity to them.

The only sliver of quality in Defiance is the soundtrack, which is great to listen to on its own but isn’t a reason to go out and buy this game.

-Great soundtrack
-The idea of having an on-going game that runs parallel to the TV series is full of potential
-Insta-vehicle helps to navigate large maps on the fly

-Shameful servers that can’t maintain a decent connection
-Fourty minute install time upon first booting of the disc
-Lackluster gunplay
-It’s the poor man’s Borderlands
-Story telling is downright horrendous, with bad lip-syncing, voice acting and dialogue as icing on the cake
-Playing the tedious quests for more than an hour can give cancer (I don’t have any of your so-called “proof” but that’s irrelevant anyway)

If you buy Defiance, you’re either a diehard MMO fan or someone who deserves a good whomp over the head. If you get invested in the TV show and are REALLY desperate to get immersed in the lore, that’s the only situation where I can possibly recommend Defiance. One things for certain: We definitely have a worst game of 2013 contender here.