Super Smash Bros. for Wii U — Worst Online Play in Gaming History?

I’ve had some shitty online multiplayer experiences in my life, but Super Smash Bros. for Wii U takes the cake.95507_083

People complain about lag all the time, and yet I rarely encounter it. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare? Online generally played smooth as butter. Battlefield 4? Flawless connections. Street Fighter 4? Barely any latency issues. Super Smash Bros. 4? I can’t play three fucking matches in a row without the game turning into a literal slideshow.

The Nintendo network is complete trash. Seriously, peer-to-peer connectivity as bad as the kind Nintendo is allowing for should be illegal. I hope anyone who worked in R&D on the online portion of this game stubs their toe tonight. Seriously, screw Nintendo. And I’m even angrier that I like the game enough to keep playing it, because that means I have to continually suffer more unplayable online matches.

Hell, I’ll make this my review of Super Smash Bros. Wii U, because it pretty much sums up my feelings on the game. It’s a great package with loads of content, 8-player smash is a particularly impressive addition, and the new characters are solid (Megaman and Shulk are particularly kick-ass, although they practically ruined Sonic with obscure buffs and critical nerfs), but the biggest component of the game, the online play, sucks to an irredeemable degree. In a fighting game that supports online play, lag like this is past the point of “well, I still think that game is a 9/10 overall”. No, because this entire portion of the game is pretty much broken, I would say that 7.5/10 is the highest you could reasonably give Super Smash Bros. 4, and that’s ignoring the fact that most of it is just a re-skin of Brawl.

The Scrap Yard

Review of RE6 “Survivors” DLC

Gears of War 3 with a bad cover system and cheap reaction shots? Seems legit.resident-evil-6

That pretty much sums this mode up, minus some of the Resident Evil nuances. It’s a three on three or free for all affair which involves the not-so-precise third person shooter mechanics of RE6 versus other humans. Sound like a recipe for irritation? It is. Quickshot noobs are in the highest of quantities at the moment, swarming the online servers like bees attracted to honey. Worse yet, quickshot noobs are seemingly in cahoots with the equally noob-y sliders. These people don’t fire a single shot, barely playing the game at all, until you get struck by someone. Then, out of nowhere, they slide their boots five feet up your ass and *BAM*, you and the guy attacking you are boned. I get that the lack of a decent cover system or quick controls (damn you, snail moving while aiming) requires people to come up with cheap alternatives, but currently things are just out of control.

The actual mode of survivors isn’t half bad. The team death match and regular death match modes are fun at their core, and the gimmick of playing as both agent and creature is interesting. See, after you die as a human, you come back as a weaker creature. If you’re lucky, you can kill off someone who is still a human and return to the game as a human yourself. Actually succeeding in this is pretty hard, and takes a lot of creatures ganging up on one human at a time. But this is where the noobs ruin it: These people outright STOP you from  returning to the game once you first die due to their inability to not play like pussies. They will disperse like a swarm of gnats and hopelessly avoid your pitiful attacks, and the mode is ruined due to their noobish actions.

In conclusion, do I actually recommend the Survivors DLC mode? Yes, but only if you buy the map packs. I’ve found that people who invest that little bit of extra cash in the game don’t play like noobs, whereas the standard maps (Urban chaos, Steel beast) are filled to the brim with virtual trolls. The mode is actually pretty fun and does a good job at being a Gears of War clone, it’s just the occasionally cumbersome controls and not-so-great community that stop it from reaching its full potential.

The Scrap Yard

Gamerrob’s Youtube UMvC3 Viewer Appreciation Online Matches (Xbox Live)

Although I hated UMvC3 with a passion, even I have to admit the online is somewhat addictive. So, because of all you dedicated readers here and my dedicated viewers on Youtube, I’m doing Viewer Appreciation matches! Message me here or on Youtube, and we’ll get some online matches going! To see full info, here’s my video: Gamerrob’s Youtube UMvC3 Viewer Appreciation Matches

Enjoy and hope to see you there!